I think I am going cray, not sure. At the same time, in love and testing the waters with things here and there. Testing to see if goes where I want it to go, but seriously it never does. Maybe within time, but who am I kidding. In the meantime, I just want to see how I develop in the coming months, I want tattoos, I want to create the me that has been hiding within me, yet at the same time has not been unleashed for whatever reason. Those reasons, okay are trying to create an image of what people want me to be, or who I think I want them to think of me as. I am tired of that, I am tired of just creating that image. It is exhausting, I am exhausting myself out at the same time. If I just be me, then I think everything will and should come into place. Riiiight? In any case, things have come into place for certain reasons. All I can think of is, people might like it and people will just have to like it.
Fast forward to September 24, 2020: The crazy part is you find your soulmate, the only problem is they are straight, yet you have known this person for 15 years – potentially more. It is unconditional, it is comforting and at the same time you know each other on a deeper level. The only thing is it just won’t work, like at all. Yet, at the same time things have transpired and maybe not at this very instance it may happen, but in the near future it will. At that time, what will kill me the most is I might have moved on and it will be too late. I guess, at that time, I will have to figure out if I want to go with what my heart felt years earlier or do I do select and choose with my new found man. I think that is the most craziest part of life and I am sure that will be thrown at me at the most inconvenient time. I just hope at that time, I make the correct choice. I hope at that time, he has grown and match me equally. If not, it just may not even happen to begin with. At the moment, I am broken and I still think of him, I care about him and the worst part is I just wish he got over his pride. I am trying to move on and its obvious that I can’t, at this point I have come to admit the best of times are behind us and the bond that was there may have burnt out.